Mary - Review "Wicked"

Glinda and Elfie!! <3 I used to want to be Glinda....*Sigh* lost dreams...

Under further review, there are 182 books, not 187 books to read. Close enough.So, after reviewing Rory’s booklist, I have discovered that I have actually read quite a few of the books located therein. So, instead of RE READING (cuz, ya know, that’d be a drag!) I think it’d be best to simply just type up reviews from memory. (Which, might not be the best place, considering that I can’t remember whether or not Fahrenheit 451 was about fires or books or the future or dancing monkeys and turkey butt.) But, I’m gonna dive into it best I can. Books I can only half-remember, (*cough* Fahrenheit 451 *cough*) I’ll probably-most-likely re-read. Cuz’ ya know, I DO like reading. :) First review comin’ up will be “Wicked.” I read it last year and…erm, it’s a doppelgänger for trouble.  (Doncha just love the word “doppelgänger?”)

Defying Gravity !

Anyhoo, being the literary snob that I am, I praised the book whole heartedly for several months until my mom’s BFF read it and was like “OH MY GOODNESS GRACIOUS ME! THIS IS A DIRTY BOOK!”

This of course caused my mother shame and as a result the book was ripped up before my eyes and thrown into the garbage. (Um, like literally. My mom ACTUALLY tore the pages out and threw them in the kitchen trash can in front of me. No, I’m not kidding and YES, it was painful to watch.)

Changed for good

Just for the record, I think Gregory Maguire has BRILLIANT descriptive skills, but yes, the book WAS raunchy and sort of gross and a LEETLE morally flawed (okay, so it was straight up morally offensive) so I’m obligated to tell you NOT TO READ IT. I was told “NOT TO READ IT” by all my marvelous friends. However, I have what we may refer to as “insatiable curiosity” and so, heck, that only made we want to read it more!  And I started out and it was like “WHOA, THAT’S, UM, REALLY CRASS” and I was like “DUDE, I’M FOURTEEN, I CAN HANDLE THIS!” But then my mom’s BFF went all beserk and my love of Wicked is no more on account of it’s kindof a “bad” book. Now, I want ya’ll to realize that it’s a book about “forgiveness.” So yes, Elfie does all sorts of bad things (*cough* has an affair *cough) but in the end she learns the greatest lesson of all. (That is, you can be forgiven.) But then I think she screws it up by committing suicide. Then again, my memory of the book is a little blurred, so I can’t remember all the way. Anyway, the writing in this book is BRILLANT, but the content, not so much. Mom’s BFF eloquently described it as “literary porn.” I wouldn’t go so far as to label it thus, but it’s WAY too offensive for most tastes (including mine, actually, now that’s it’s matured.) Maybe it’s because I’m a sanguine and naturally very sensual that I didn’t see any harm in reading it, but now that I look back and think about it, I’m like “OHMYWORD. THAT WAS BAD. VERY VERY BAD.”

Here, have a hat! 

So, don’t read it. Rory, you sicksick child. Here’s a plot description though:

Once upon a time, a chick who’s married to a preacher has an affair with a HUMAN (the Wizard of Oz!) and the baby ends up being green because human + munchkin = genetic mutation. Anyway, Elfie (the wicked witch is born) Her sister is born as well and is handicapped and eventually becomes the wicked witch of the east. Anyway, Elfie goes to school, a bunch of stuff happens, Glinda shows up, and I can’t really remember the rest of it, except that Elfie has an affair with a prince who gets turned into the scarecrow and she rescues a baby lion who turns out to be the cowardly lion and a kid drowns in a well and Glinda’s stalker-boyfriend gets turned into tin because the wicked witch of the east has a crush on him. Also, there’s lots of bizzaro sexual things popped in there and some drugs and weird crap. Imagine that whole thing + random XXX rated chapters and you haveeeeee WICKED!

LADY GAGA IN WICKED! JK. It's a scene from the Emerald City. 

So, yes, the book isn’t something you should read. The PLAY, on the other hand is my most favorite p lay in the WHOLE WIDE FREAKING WORLD. So, everyone go see THAT! It’s very PG and I can’t remember anything offensive in it whatsoever. It’s also got an amaaaaaaazing soundtrack. *YES, IT’S A MUSICAL!!!!!!!!* I lovelovelovelovelove the play Wicked. It’s nothing like the book except a few important things like names and places and dates and such. You’ll love it.

Anyway, Rory’s an idiot for reading this book, I was an idiot for reading this book and Orlando Bloom was an idiot for getting married to that one Victoria’s Secret model. I guess everyone DOES makes mistakes…

DUDE. THIS WOMAN IS THE BOMB. I WANT TO BE HER SOOOOO BAD!