The Little Match Girl

So - I was really bummed when I discovered that we didn't own this because it meant that I'd have to go to the library which enlisted actual effort. And then my mom was all "Dude! I bet we could totally find it on iBooks!" And then I was all "Whoa! Like, yay for technology! I'll get my hands on it before Rosie! (Tee-Hee!)" I just finished it and LET ME TELL YA - Rory is a very strange girl indeed.
I honestly was not that thrilled to be reading it first of all. When I first heard the words "The Little Match Girl," here's what popped in my head:
1) Odd story involving burning little girls alive? and
2) Aren't we supposed to keep children AWAY from matches? (The title brings back vivid memories of my first grade classroom and the oh-so-cool firewoman reminding us that if we even so much as THOUGHT about touching matches, our heads would combust in flames and it would not be pleasant. But, I digress.)

But reading this short story by Hans Christian Anderson (see how I snuck in the author's name w/o having to repeat the title? I am SO clever!! *fistpump*) was not in vain because I learned some valuable lessons. which I will explain to you as soon as I type out a few burning questions I have about the story.

1) What kind of jerk steals a slipper from a little girl with the intention of using it as a baby cradle and how the hell does the little match girl's mother have feet THAT big?
2) Why does she insist on selling matches of all things? And if she's so poor, how does she even OWN all those matches? Doesn't sound like the brightest businesswoman to me...
3) Why is she working on New Years Eve, anyway? Doesn't she know that it's a holiday and the government shuts everything down on that day? DUH!
4) Why does the dad make the daughter sell matches under the threat of beatings? Why doesn't he get off of his lazy butt and sell them himself? Or better yet, make tons of money suing the urchin who stole his wife's oversized footwear?
5) What is so delicious about roast goose? Have these people not heard of chicken?

Okay, so "The Little Match Girl" was pleasantly short. (Insanely short, actually. So short that I was immediately delighted by it's length and proceeded to clap my hands and jump up and down. Moving on...)
Despite the lack of pages it DID indeed hold some valuable life lessons and now that I've got my burning questions out of the way, I can list them.

1) If you spend all night outside on New Years Eve, you will in fact freeze to death. (Good to know, Hans, I'll add that on my list of things NOT to do right in between wearing white after labor day and *GASP* skipping and episode of the Gilmore Girls)
2) If you see a star falling it means someone is dead. (Okaaaay, that's not creepy at all, Anderson)
3) Hunger-addled little girls are sometimes delusional and have weird visions  when they play with fire. (I have nothing to say here. Truly, that lesson speaks for itself.)

So, I think I'd rate this book 1/5 slices of cheese. (The point is only because it was fast. Yes, I am cheap. ;])

Moral of the story? Hans Christian Anderson is morbid.